“A Letter from Christian (not his real name)”

“The wonderful support that I have received from Hafan Cymru Male Domestic Abuse Support Service has been second to none.”

To whom it may concern,

I feel compelled to write this as the wonderful support, patience and professionalism that I have received from Hafan Cymru Male Domestic Abuse Support Service has been immeasurable, unlimited and second to none. In particular, my Domestic Violence Support Worker has been fantastic for me and has restored my personal faith in society when others have made me feel useless, worthless and suicidal. I would go as far to say if my support worker and Hafan Cymru had not come into my life when they did, then I most probably would not be here now and be dead floating in the river Tawe or thrown under a bus or train.

I am a victim of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse ranging from Financial Control, Coercive Control, Stalking, Intimidation, Threatening Behaviour, Isolation, and Parental Alienation – even when I have a child contact order given to me by the family courts. My perpetrator continues to terrorise me and manipulate all systems and parties from afar against me, and my family. When you have suffered for so long in many different ways, physically, sexually, mentally, psychologically and emotionally, you battle to get through the next hour, never mind what or how you are going to get through the day, tomorrow, the day after, or next week. You have no hope for the future.

I am a disabled man who has been stripped of his true identity, confidence, self-esteem and own decision making, all because I would not surrender to my ex-wife and her thirst for coercive control, dominating me and my life. While at a vulnerable stage and looking for love/support afterwards, I jumped in from the frying pan into the fire as I fell victim again to a second perpetrator whom I confided into, and then took full advantage of me. More abuse began due to her not being able to cope with and accept my ex-wife’s ongoing vile behaviour and my harrowing past.

I would strongly recommend Hafan Cymru Male Domestic Violence Support Services as there is not enough support or organisations of this nature in Wales and where they continue to help me and try and rebuild my life, I hope they can continue to do this for many other males not only now but for many, many years to come. Please support this organisation and allow them to continue to do the wonderful and life saving work that they provide. Don’t allow other males to suffer in silence, and for as long as I have. There definitely is a stigma to Domestic Violence when the victim is male and the perpetrator is female.

I do not mind my letter being shared, but I also hope due to the sensitive and private elements of my individual case that I remain anonymous while I try and recover in the smallest margins, day by day while I am still going through the most harrowing of times who I would not wish on anybody now or ever.

Yours Faithfully,