Inspirational Stories

Evie was raised in a children’s home, became a nurse and raised a family with her husband, Trevor. Appearing safe and secure, they regularly went to church and always went on family holidays.

After 40 years together, Evie had a fall in the garden and sustained a head injury which left her confused and forgetful. It was then that she was referred for support.

Evie said that Trevor was finding her difficult to cope with; he sometimes became angry and screamed at her. She believed he had been a good father and provider and felt very much a burden to him. She excused his hostility or indifference, often blaming herself or appearing bemused at his behaviour.

Evie began to open up about long-standing abuse, physical, mental, emotional and financial. In some instances, the physical abuse was from one of her daughters, who was a “daddy’s girl”. She remained in the marriage so that her children would have a “normal” family.

Trevor then spent much of his time in the caravan at the coast, removing food from the house and controlling all the finances. Evie minimised the abuse and accepted that Trevor had always handled all the money as he had earned it. Also, he felt that Evie was not to be trusted with money as she was “irresponsible”. Neither was Evie to be trusted with his car.

Eventually, Trevor moved into sheltered housing. He took all the furniture and valuables that he believed belonged to him. Evie was struggling financially and found that Trevor was claiming benefits as a married couple, leaving her short of basics such as food and heating.

Hafan Cymru supported Evie to become independent and take control of life, helping her find suitable accommodation and financial freedom.

We referred her to the Community Intervention Team and Age Concern and continue to watch her slowly grow into someone who is enjoying her life.

My ex-partner initially left our home in the autumn when Social Services got involved. She’d overdosed a couple of times on tablets.

I allowed her back when she had not been drinking so she could see the kids, but in the spring she assaulted me while drunk, was arrested and ended up being charged with assault. She received a suspended sentence.

The Domestic Violence Officer referred me to Hafan Cymru because I needed support as my ex-partner claimed child tax credits and benefits, so we struggled initially only receiving Job Seeker’s Allowance. We had built up some debts and I was afraid of applying for bankruptcy, but given the right guidance it was not as bad as I thought and now I am debt-free.

My ex-partner held the tenancy for our family home and before I knew it, she had made us homeless with the children. Hafan Cymru helped me to seek legal advice and I was granted an Occupancy Order to return to the family home.

I didn’t like attending the Child Protection Conference and Core Group Meetings, but I was grateful for my support worker being there as it wasn’t easy explaining things at times.

Thanks to Hafan Cymru I was given support to enable me to ensure that my home was safe for me and my children, and we had everything we needed to function as a family.

Being a single Dad, it is hard going, and without the support of Hafan Cymru I don’t think I would be where I am now. I even attended a group for other male service users which boosted my confidence. When my children start school full-time I am hoping to get back into work.

I spent most of my time on my computer because that’s what I was good at. It took the problems at home to get me a social worker. We all decided that moving out of my parent’s house was the best option.

I applied to Hafan Cymru after a recommendation from my social worker. Since moving into Hafan Cymru I have met a great bunch of people, made some new friends and my social life is a lot better.

The Tenant Participation sessions were very useful and it was an icebreaker. I started chatting and this gave me the confidence to pop round to their flats and basically socialise outside the support.

My ADHD makes me forgetful and the support sessions helped me plan out what I needed to do in the week. Now, I am living on my own, and I am putting the skills I have learnt from Hafan Cymru to use in my new flat.

Before moving into Hafan Cymru Supported Accommodation, I didn’t have any idea how to live on my own. I couldn’t use a washing machine, I didn’t know what bills I had to pay and which would be paid for me. I didn’t have any life skills. I feel more comfortable now because I’m independent and I know how to manage my day-to-day routine.

Hafan Cymru has helped me get a place that I can call mine in a lovely village.

They went to school dirty and hungry and took to shoplifting to feed themselves. Hard work and abuse were a way of life. Peter’s mother also suffered physical and mental torment at the hands of his father.

When Peter was nine, the authorities placed him and his siblings in care.

Peter thought he would be safe, but over nine years he was physically and sexually abused by teachers and carers.

Peter left care at 18 and spent the next five years in and out of prison. He continued to have a string of unhealthy relationships. He feels that he has been let down by his upbringing, by the authorities that should have kept him safe, and by partners who proved unloving.

Peter is now a lone parent to five children. He decided to put all his energy into providing for them even if he is not their biological father. He is desperate to keep them safe and to give them a better life than he had.

When Peter came to Hafan Cymru he had experienced physical and mental abuse, resulting in bouts of anger and violence. He was able to tell his story and weep, not only for his past, but because he had finally found someone that would listen and help him.

After a few months, on good days, Peter can smile and joke. He needs a huge amount of support to help him realise his goals. The physical scars inflicted by his father’s leather belt have gone but he says he can never forget the past.

I was nine years old when my dad physically and sexually abused me. My mother couldn’t help me as she was also physically abused daily by my dad.

I couldn’t go to school and tell the teacher. In my day there was no NSPCC, no Esther Rantzen or Childline.

Both my parents died as a result of a car crash when I was 17; from then on I was alone.

Every partner I’ve had has been abusive. Later, I became a prostitute; my ex was my pimp.

I was street homeless, and I found Hafan Cymru through Women’s Aid. I was sleeping rough and turned up at their office with a bin bag of belongings. I am now in my 50s. Hafan Cymru have saved my life.

I had no lifestyle, I had an existence. At least now I have a quality of life – Hafan Cymru have been wonderful.

I am alive thanks to them.

You just take it how it is because you think you’re in love with that person. At first it was just emotional abuse; the physical abuse started when I was 18 and was five months pregnant.

My health visitor referred me to a domestic abuse outreach worker who helped me see that I was being abused.

The abuse increased, he raped me – I got pregnant – I didn’t know I was. Then he assaulted me. My eldest son saved my life by calling the ambulance. I was in hospital for two weeks. It was then I realised I needed to go.

I left soon after that for three days with the intention of returning for my children. On the day I was supposed to come back I had a phone call to say, ‘You might as well jump off a bridge because I’m coming to get you’. The police then put me into refuge.

I was in a refuge with Hafan Cymru for 26 weeks. Today I have an appointment at the Job Centre. I now do volunteering and have done the Freedom Programme. The staff at Hafan Cymru gave me encouragement, and I found the strength that I never thought I had.